Noticed...

I noticed that I do have people commenting on my blogspot! How lovely!! Now if I can just learn how to do the same and find many, many more on this site! It certainly helps past the time when I am at work! Because everyone knows that since the discovery of the internet, there has been less productivity in the office place than ever before! LoL!! I know that I do find myself gazing off...and when I do...I make myself look busy by net surfing! At this time I am shoppig or a dildo, and it is a bit aggrevating! I do not want anything too big, because I am not! I also do not want anything too small, because I am not!! I would love something that fits me and still does not cause too much damage that my man will not like the glove fit anymore! I think I will probably purchase a tickler and see what happens then!

So I know I have been MIA...but I have the holiday blues. I am not in the freaking holiday spirit, but I refuse to let that bring everyone else down. I am trying to move forward with a lot of things that for some reason people want to wait until after the holidays to move on with. I have also put on hold my relationship with my current beau! He and I realize that we moved way to fast and for some reason never really got to date! Yeah!! I am just as shocked as you...but looking back...it is ironically true! How do you go from getting to know someone to being ENGAGED!! It was so weird!! However, we are dating, trying to at least and see where that leads us! I hope to a lasting ever after, but if not...you know it is not the end of my world!! I love him and he is such a good man that this will be very interesting!

I tend to over do it around the holidays which makes me really anal! I like to make sure that I get the best for my money and I love to make people smile during this time of year! It was only 3.5 yrs ago that I was in a homeless shelter, giving people and their generosity helped me get my life back and believe in hope again! So I really try to bring smiles to anyone I can! Well I hope that all of you reading find peace, love, and happiness this season and the year to come!! Love ya!!

My Declaration

I am a woman
that I know
not perfect
but full of beautiful imperfections
I may belch
at the dinner table
I may say fuck you
to authority
I may kiss you
one day
and punch you the next
But I am still as lovely
as the beauty
that graces the magazines
I am
the beauty that makes
life worth living
I will show you
what you
do not want to see
and see things you
did not want shown
I am as perfect
as God made me
who are you to judge me!!

Do things change or do we...

Break the chains of society...
break the chains of normalcy
what others want you to be
may not be who you are
but rather
be you
the freedom you seek
feels so good
until you become a
sideshow freak!

I never really understood the meaning of relationships that last a lifetime. I mean there are people that we come across that we will always carry with us, because of what they taught us about ourselves.

However, what is this whole thing about lifetime of togetherness? I know that in life things change, that is the only thing except death that we can count on in life. The only thing that we can not change is CHANGE!

But in relationships, do "things" change...or do we? In a relationship when you feel "things" are changing between one another, is it really "things" or is it the people in it? I honestly listen to the words that come out of peoples mouths and it sorta baffles me. I think about the things that I say to others and ponder..."What did I just say?" Does it even make sense when you actually think it out? I do believe that we have conditioned ourselves to give the most simplest of answers to cope with the most complicated questions.

I try to make sure that when there is a question that an answer I find. However, when the answer is years in the making and the people surrounding you cannot understand that the answer is NOT ever going to come in the time frame window given, what do you do? Do you leave and go your separate ways, just to inflict the same unknown on the next person? Do you torture them to stick it out with you? Or do you fly alone, like a bee stopping only to admire the beauty, splendor, and life of the flower in which you deem?

Excuse the absolute random thinking's of an obvious enslaved free spirit! Your comments are welcome, but not necessary!

Is he the dreamiest...

The "Evolution" of Robin Thicke has been nothing but extrodinary!! I have really come to love this artist and every single album he does is a must buy for me!! I can not wait until his new album is on my iPod!! This was the video that I first fell in love with him and his music!!

Are you a pebble...

The funny thing about life is that you go through these ups and downs. Sometime it seems that the downs are more than that of the ups. However, I know that it is slightly different. I know that we have more ups than downs...we just dwell on the negative a bit too much. I am funny that way...

David and I were on the way to work and I was talking about how horrible my nails looked. He thought that it was funny because he could not see what I was talking about. He stated that is not important to him as a man...but I have to agree to disagree on that one. WHAT? He could not see what or how he could have made an issue of my hands. I explained that when I touch him how he says my hands feel like the softest thing that has ever touched him. How do you thing that happens baby? I asked what he would think if I DID NOT take care of my skin and became crusty and rough. He stated that he would not "really" mind if that were to happen. I so laughed! That is a bald face lie!! Men are mainly visual and touchy by nature...they love the sight and touch of a beautiful woman. Why would I be anything less...but the question arose from his mum, stating that she could not understand why she has been single for so long.

Wanting to blame it on her job, she is very physically active on her job. Honestly putting it, she does do a man's job. However, as I told David...it is all in the packaging. Men like different things indeed, it is all in the presentation. If you come across as a person who is not into their outward appearance, do not think that there is a man that is sitting waiting to make an effort to sweep your of your feet. A man does want a woman that he can have the world envy. In his eyes his woman is a jewel, and if you do not polish yourself then you will not be looked at as a jewel. More so a pebble that if looked at closely will reveal how precious, but at first glance just a simple ol' pebble!

Ladies, do not get mad if your man (or men in general) pays no attention to you anymore. Just ask yourself...am I a pebble or a jewel?

Whewwww...

So it has been along time...I have not posted to much on here! I am so frazzled at this time...so many things good and bad that seem to just have me on edge. I feel like I have so much to do and so little time to do it! I am a bit bummed that this weekend was the weekend that I was to marry my fiance...but it is not going to happen. WAIT...WE ARE STILL TOGETHER...but I do not have the confidence anymore that we will be together in marriage. He says he loves me...but I do not know if he can deal with me...the type of person that I am and all of the shit that comes along with the territory! They say if you love each other that is all that matters...well I think that they who said that must have been the most niave person on earth. I am certainly not seeing that...I know that it takes alot of work...but because of the type of person I am I do not think that most men can handle. Oh well I just pray for the best...

On another note...I am! Yep that is all I can say is that I am! I want to feel like I can do anything but there are times that I just can not...I cannot seem to muster the stregnth. I was not designed to work like all the other females. I seem to just be on some kind of battery that keeps on going and then just when I think that I am going to go...fizzle away...just completely dissolve...BAAAMMMM!!